think about thoughts

OHANA- it means family and family means no one gets left behind.

I thank God for placing ohana in my life. A spirtual family that i really love them. My team. They matter to me. In fact, when something goes wrong i feel sad. Cause they are my life. Yes. and i love them. i love my group and my sheep just like how God has loved me so much.



Yup. made the decison today. blessing in disgused. why? school want to make me leader of cca and also some counsellor (perfect). yup i thank God for placing me in a position where i can impact lives. yes. i may not really like it but i will love it.



started on my geek mode just now on amath. was rather fun. need more practice to make it to a As! all right! it simply rocks!



hmmm.. you know what people? 100%MAN100%GOD. so i have come out with my study plans and it goes like this:

friday:

Amath practice on chapter 4

Social studies

read on chapter one and make notes on it



Saturday:

Not sure. anyone wants to study with me? haha..



Sunday: tons of work

Amath practice on chapter 4 again

Complete chapt 1 and practice on it

Write an english essay

Geography

Read and make notes on chapter 1 and 2



The question is still resounding in my mind.

Where to study? who wants to study with me? anyone? i will be wiling to study with you. haha..

if not i will get execrable results. nto working to a pass but 6 points. tough but i will not give up.



Davidpeter.

why am i allowing all to read today’s blog. very simple. i want to state my decision that i am making and it cannot be erase. if i do it in some word doc. com may crash. but i know i can trust the net. by the way it is my letter to God that i wrote on a piece of paper today before i came home and i am typing it all out.

Dear God,



Now i seriously wonder how will my life be from now onwards. I am really on a struck.



will i ever feel tired of making decisions? The truth be it is that i am also quite uncertain of it. Tomorrow is the big day either i reject or accept. help. i kind off understand how pastor feels when he has to make big decision like the taking of HS/JC now.



God i really do not understand why is it me. Out of the mutitudes you choose me. Why me? i really cannot understand it at all. i made so many errs in my life and tons of sins and why your grace still choose to be with me? why? i have sinned so much that i do not think many will even sinned those that i sin before. why me? your grace just made me awestruck. I understand that i am a instrument that you want to use to shame others.but again why me? my life is so unique. the background and the routes i am to take. i know your plans are never to harm me and that is what i am certain of. can i just be a normal student just like others? maybe no. cause i know the plans you have for me are so much greater and it is for my best. You are a God that seeks to give me you best. I love you.



I have been through many hills and valleys in my life with you. God each time it gets tougher. Guess the goal is to build me up stronger in you. Your grace have seen me through.



I still wonder why me? really i am so unworthy of all these. what characteristic i posses to get all this blessings? i know you have a plan for me. it is heavy but i know you are with me. I will never walk alone as long i have faith in you.



This time the road is tougher. It not between the black and white already but rather the better and best. I am very much tempted to both. If i choose saint francis i will save one year but i may not impact that much lives. whereas if i enter to a goverment i may impact moer lives and being able to spaek in the media and press. i am not after fame but i hope to fulfill my dream. To be a teacher. If i enter goverment i will ‘waste’ another one year. But it will reap kingdom benefits. Even to enter goverment school, i will break singapore record again. No one done it before to go to 3E. yes. no doubt i seek to live a life that pleases God. It is painful sometimes. really painful to obey.



Call me stupid or idiot if you want. But i really love you God and this church you have place in my life. it is close to 5 years i am in this church and i have mature a lot through this church. Love you God. I want to live a life that is paralla to what i preach. Kingdom mindedness. 4 years compared to eternity is small or insignificant. i really dislike the fact to choose to redo secondary 3 again. It is like 4 years i have wasted. but then again, i know that you are still in control why should i fear? ya. This are lessons in life which you want me to learn and maybe it makes me a little wiser i guess. Through all this learnings i have to go through it matures me more.



To make this decision, i know what i am doing. To choose to love you more than studies.It is really like a testing- if i can give it all up. God above any other things. i do not seek for fame God. i want you and that’s it. I want to live my life for you. I belived that you are in this with me. I can be secure when i choose to obey you.



I want to make this decision not because of the fame i may recieve. But God i want to state things down clearly. I love you. i want to obey you and live my life for you. Nothing else.



Though i may not know what you maybe doing in my life, i still know you are faithful.



Many may call me damn idiot or fool. But who cares? i just want to run after you. This decision i have to make it is tough. But let my heart be firm. I love you and that’s it. I do not want to regret at the end of my life. i adore you. I want to live my life for you. Full stop.

It may seems i have lost it all but i know that you are there. Really. I know you are there. i feel your presence.



Honestly, i really don’t like to be put in this type of position. But if this is the best for me and i know it is you have i galdly accept it.



Maybe what priscilla said was true. I will do what others cannot do. Not a lot are given this chance like me. I will take it and excel in it. Studies is now my minstry. It is much heavier than before. Raelly heavy. How i wish i could just concentrate on leading only and studying to no kick. But now, since others can lead it will be better that i do my utmost in studying and glorified you. BUt i am still glad that i can lead my unit. yup. I love my people. i love all those people that you place in my life. My sheeps, buddies, pal and shepherds. Thank you God. Thoough i am really worried to just focus on study as it will be my main ministry. I am prepared if my ministry in leading have to drop as to do what others cannot do. Ready to work hard.



God i really love the people you place in my life. I love them. God thank you.



I know this time round i will mature even more. A higher level of growth in my walk with you. A higher level of trust in you. Though it seems i have lost it all, it is gone but i can say it is gone for a better one that you have installed for me.



Let me confess it once again. I love you.



God i thank you for placing all those people who advice me on all this. Honestly i feel like taking the other route but you know something, i want to live my life for you and live it out of my comfort zone. I may not like it but i will do it tomorrow.



i will accept the fact that you have given this chance to me.



My life is like this for s specific reason.



Thank you God.



Davidpeter

Today’s blog is special. DO NOT READ IT! and i mean IT!!! i just want to air it all out. Only few can read! ask me if you want to read. Respect my decision. Thank you.



IDIOT!!!!

waste. i wasted my life enough. enough of making stupid mistakes. seriously i hate it. i feel so damn it now. call me an idiot david. God i think i wasted enough. i can’t stand anymore. i want o pursue my dreams to do a O next year. But the ministry will not let and only allow me to do secondary 3 express. i damn it! freak! so damn… what else can i say? the other path is saint francis. but i damn know it’s so damn freaking idiot. ah ya. what words can i used? i really feel lost. It’s all gone. my wishes. i understand that they will help me out to JC. but it’s one year of studying all over again. i feel so idiot. but i know that that maybe God’s best. Pris wanna me to go to take the sec 3.it’s like studying it 3x when i already know it. what other choice am i left with? none. i know that my leaders are God sent to help me. i will obey. But God i just feel so damn it. i can’t use other word already. i seriously need a meet up with you! please!!!! help me! i hate my life. why i am like that? why? why? why? i know that you used me to shame others but i hate it. not that i do not want to be a vessle but why another year? it’s like 4 years wasted again! like repeating secondary school all over again. help god. This is what i really want to say. Yes i love you. I will never want to waste my life. it sucks. i hate that feeling. get me? wasting 4 years again. please i am in a mode of uncertainity. i wish i could end this life now. bUt i know you are with me. it’s not wise. i love you God. help me. i want to live a life that shines your name. Is this the only way to shine your name? father! i love you. please help me. please. if this is the only way, i will obey and submit. i want to do it willing. i live my life for one. But God, that are all my thoughts. how i feel. all i can say is i am so damn freak out now. i am an idiot that mess up my whole life. i need you. me an idiot but you are a God that change an idiot to a non idiot. help. That’s all i can say. no one is at fault serious. but i just hope to live my life per normal.



sorrie if it stumbles you. but i just have no words to replace it.

DAVIDPETER

ermm.. put things this way. God is always faithful man. Glad to see people growing and even to the point of taking care of someone else life. The best part of being a shepherd is not really the gifts and the hugs you recieve i think. But i think it is when you see them growing. Yup. i love my sheeps! so jonas actually shepherded 2 people today. oh mine! since i am talking about his life change, can’t believe that God is superceeding faithful. After he has done shepherding with his 2 new belivers, jonas and me headed to city hall. We walked there from plaza sing. nah.. so what’s so exciting? he actually misplaced his WALLET!!! oh mine! and when we found out it was like a hour after we left long john silver at Ps. God is only a prayer away. so i decided to pray. I then called the PS long john and praise God they kept it there. Is it not God? yup it is. then we head down to clementi cresent to meet our friend. his house was like so damn big. 5 storeys. haha…was so blown away. But thank God he took the book i bought for him. some mini version on purpose driven life.Yup. haha.. so glad. then now guess what? i am at my spritual buddy hiuse JARVIN! haha.. erm.. his house ls like so white. haha.. not bad for a house. haha.. and damn nice to sleep. yup.. i am so glad recently for GOD you have place all these people in my life. 2 main thanksgiving point for my whole year.



Pillars that you have placed in my life. My sheeps, buddies and tons of others.

Grace of your’s has been with me.



Yup. Love you God! i ask for one thing. Your presence more in my life. I want to never leave you. yup. just keep me in you Love.

yes.

david peter

change of plans for team retreat.

will be meeting at amk ministry hse first for all personal retreat with God

follow by heading to a cafe to play simple games

then we will discuss on serious stuff regards to direction for the following year

then it is fun fun and fun.

which cafe should it be?

breeko at bugis. cool.



objective:

1- To refresh – done in the morning

2- direction – done in the afternoon

3- Fun and fellowship – afternoon



i anticpate to this retreat. yup.



i myself will be having a self retreat coming tuesday. plan for life and unit. rox huh? i think so.. i love retreats! yup! myself and God under somewhere. haha.. yep!



oh we had our thanksgiving dinner for north today. rather filling. God made me unique. why? cause i have small stomach. we ate steamboat but i was like super full after few mouths. yup!



one year is coming to an end. Time files. Today i wrote down thanksgiving for year 2004. i was awestruck when i thought of those thanksgiving points. God is always faithful. Yup! oh thank you God that as i did my mugging this afternoon i completed 1.5 chapt. haha.. which was only half of my goal. hehe..

will be mugging tomorrow. yup lor. Thank you jesus.



David

i have not done this for quite a while. BUT it does not mean i will not do it. In fact, i am going to start at 2pm whihch is like 25 minutes more. i used to do it often cause it was important at then. Now it is important. MUGGING! oh mind! yes! is mugging! If not i will be dead. This week i have few foucses.

Personal life:

1- Mugging to prepare for 2005

2- have a retreat. long one i mean. I want to spend time to worship and evaluate and read the bible. Perfer on tuesday. In some cafe.



Ministry:

1- Retention (I row of blue seats)

2- Team retreat on wednesday. Objective. 1- to refresh 2- Direction for year 2005

we will be having it at sentosa. Yup morning at some place. maybe we shall do it at amk then we head down to sentosa.



11am= meet at habour front

1130am= set off

12pm= reach

12pm-1pm= retreat part one ( Quiet time, prayer and direction)

1pm onwards = fun and fun.



Davidpeter

Presence. dwelling in God’s presence is the key. It is never trying to fight harder my friend. It is also not trying to do 101 things to find God. God is there. Will you be still and hear from him? He desire clean hands and pure hearts. People, let us seek God. This christmas period have been quite much hardwork to some. But that still does not replace your your purpose on earth. were you made to be BUSY? nope! but a relationship with God. seek God by setting time for few things at least, worship, studying the word, evaulating about your life and more. Draining out usually comes when we do not have enough source of energy from out creator. yup. after so much hardwork, it is time to rest for awhile. Have a retreat of your own with God.

As i was waiting for the train just now while going home from town, suddenly the word GIFTS struck me. I probe deeper to it. Wisdom for me. Gifts are there to remind us of what God has gave. E.g. Birthdays. Gifts are to remind you that God gave you a physical life on that day how many years ago. Like wise for christmas.

before that was really spending time with buddy matthew. Oh matthew! One gift that God has gave me! yup. A buddy that i really treasure. We shared a lot of our heart beat today. Yes! indeed it is a time of refreshing for me as i learn from him again. I love this relationship. A fruitful one. One that keep tracks of my walk with God.

God is a GOD OF healer. haha.. buddy jarvin is like sick? haha.. God will heal.

God i thank you for putting all these people in my life as pillars. they are here to build me strong. thank you for always being faithful to me. Thank you for loving me. I love you.



DAVIDPETER

As much as i want to control the tears that seek to roll out from my eyes, i can’t seem to do it. Who am i to deserve all these? thank you Jesus. Today service was one that God wants to tell me to remember that i am saved by his grace. I am only a teenage boy. But you love me. When i got the gift from jonas i was awestruck. I did not expect those things from him. I love my sheep. I can see it has been God’s grace that transform his life. Teck yang has been so transform by God’s love. Though i have not read the letter he has for me but i am touched. God i can’t help to stop all these tears of joy. I love them. They have been a pillar in my life. I was so elated to see Zhi hao coming for service. When i was told to take up this new group, i really wonder to God how can i do it? i am just a ordinary boy like others or maybe lesser. But God thank you. I thank you for working in my life. I love my team. Si han has changed. The fire is back. How am i not to be joyful? Good results in studies i am glad. But i am more gald, elated to see their lives transformed one by one. I love the chruch. The church have really love me so much. I love my DMM.

My spiritual buddies i love you. Met up with jarvin today, he got me a shirt that i all along wanted badly. Dry ft tee. I felt so loved. He is one that is so willing to listen to me and crap with me. Same for matthew. Though many times i think i acted stupid but they accept me. I love them. Matthew has really been a buddy that i will never forget. Thank you Jesus. My tribute to you. Thanks for answering my prayer for matthew to be in my life. Brandon has always been one that will accompany me. This christmas is one that i remember God’s Grace. Look at all these people. I love them. Not forgetting harry and ben. Many times i will just share things to them because they are on line. They listen. My shepherds have always been there for me. Priscilla and Dennies. Yes. I love all of these people in my life.

God i love you. Thank you. Though circumstance may fail me, but i know you are still with me. You have been faithful to me. It is a blessing. Thank you for the 3 converts and also breaking of 20 for service. I want to continue to seek your face.

I love God.



DAVIDPETER

drama was surely great today from my view. today was also the day where i can proclaim God faithfulness in my life. If i am doing life without jesus, life will just plainly sucks. I hope my story will inspire other students to remember that God still loves them and do their best in their studies. Be christ like.i am just a simple person that God wants to use. You too. the issue is never you can or your cannot but are you willing anot? i will be sharing God faithfulness once again tomorrow! tell you the truth i really lovethe church! i love the people! all my buddies! i love you! all my sheep! i love you! my team! i love you! and everyone! my close pals! i love you too! not that i am musy but i have learn to be grateful and appreciate everyone that God has placed in my life. I love the church!For those who have heard my story, let’s live our life to glorified him! amen? God will use you! do your best and God will do the rest. There is a reason for the season!

awestruck. it is God. though at times i seriously wonder where am i to head now? He has always shown himself faithful to me. I love the church! oh! i met up with shepherd no.2 today! priscilla! hehe.. had lunch and stuffs. yep! erm.. wanna write xmas cards now! so sorrie man!



davidpeter